Woman Refuses Fiancé’s Notion That She Does Nothing Around the House As She Cooks, Cleans, and Takes Care of His Children While Working a Full-Time Job

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    Fiancé (34M) said I (26F) don't do anything, how do I make him see that that's not true at all?
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    We both have kids from previous marriages, none together. I'm not even sure how it came up but he jokingly said I don't do anything and it made me so angry. I said, "wait, you really think I don't do anything?" And he said "well you hardly ever cook or clean, you don't really do anything."
  • 03
    Except for the fact that I work morning shifts and I'm out by 2pm, and he works 2nd shift. He cleans the house while he's home and I do it while he's away. Apparently he thinks when he
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    comes home in the middle of the night, the kids just didn't make any messes or eat any dinner or snacks and the house just stayed perfectly clean like when he left for work hours prior.
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    He apparently thinks that I just sit on the couch and do absolutely nothing besides cook dinner, clean, do showers for his kids and mine, get all the kids to bed,
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    finish up my work for the day (I teach young preschool, bringing my work home is a necessity unfortunately), and do my college classes.
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    I'm also the one that calls out of work when the kids are sick at school so he doesn't have to miss any work. I'm the one that takes time off for field trips so he
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    doesn't have to miss work. I'm the one that stays home on snow days and in service days (I don't get those because I'm not a 'real' teacher).
  • 09
    I'm just so beyond mad. He does do more than me around the house, I'll give him that. He does more laundry, he cleans better, but the kids are also in school while he's not at work so he
  • 10
    doesn't have to deal with what feels like a hundred kids bothering him while he's trying to fold towels. But I cannot believe he would say I don't do anything.
  • 11
    My life was easier when I was a single mom. I took on a lot when I got with him and for him to say I don't do ANYTHING?!
  • 12
    How can I make him realize I do a ton around here? I couldn't finish the conversation with him cause I was so mad so I just let it go but I can't get married to a guy who thinks I'm a couch potato.
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    bearymiller_ • 15h ago Don't do anything and he will see
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    . tattedupgirl 14h ago Please don't get married any time soon. My ex loved to say I never did anything during our 17 years, even tho for over 10 I was the only one working and taking care of the house, at one point I
  • 15
    had 3 jobs. It wasn't until after the divorce that he said he didn't realize I actually did everything when he didn't know how to pick up a prescription. Once they start on the "You do nothing" road they rarely stop.
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    SnooWords4839 • 14h ago Don't clean in the evenings, leave the dishes to be done. Track how long it takes to get his kids showered and into bed. Stop taking off days for his kids.
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    Miserable_Yam4... 15h ago Make him do dinner and everything with the kids for a few days, be completely hands off and see how he handles it. Men will almost never actually absorb words, so let him learn by doing.
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    Apprehensive_Ti... 14h ago Does he look surprised when you pick the ball back up off the floor, too? Because it sounds like his object permanence is broken. He seems to believe you all enter some kind of staysis when he leaves...
  • 19
    Don't get married to a guy who doesn't think you do anything. You could try making a chart with all the things and then color coding it to show the various things you do. But until he lets go of his martyr complex, I wouldn't proceed.
  • 20
    bordermelancollie09 OP. 3h ago The wedding is still almost two years out so I have time. I didn't do anything last night. Hoping that gets my point across.
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    occasional part • 11h ago The 8-year difference is telling. I'm afraid he sounds like the type of guy who expects a live-in bag maid. And your own words ("my life was easier when I was a single mom") hit me personally as so close to home.
  • 22
    I hope you make it clear to him that you won't go ahead with the wedding unless he changes his view, apologizes and means it. I send you my strength and support.

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